Thursday, January 29, 2009

Get Up, The Sun's Out, Where Are We?

This Post to be Aurally Accompanied By:
The Tough Alliance - Neo Violence (SHAZAM Remix)

This post, like the last one, is best enjoyed while listening to the extremely groovy 70's (if that decade was more about X than blow) style synth-laden dance number up there. If that shit doesn't get your toe tapping a little bit not only are you probably not alive, but you were probably a very uninteresting and timid person during your mediocre and conventional life.

Which brings us to THIS and THIS. Basically, the internets (and my brain) are aflame with rampant speculation about the 2009 Coachella line-up, with questions #'s 1 - 867 being: WHERE THE FUCK IS IT. Question #868 is: Please god tell me that the Britney Spears rumor is just some sick sick joke. I mean, Jack Johnson headlining is some weak shit, but it wasn't actually REPELLLENT. I don't care if Britney is stuck on the Outdoor Theatre or in the Navajo Tent (or whatever the smallest one is) at 12:30, competing with AC Slater and some Peruvian Flute Band (that uses electro-flutes made of eco-trash or some shit whatever) and the 110 degree heat.... SHE SHOULD NOT BE AT COACHELLA. That being said, if they do put her in said situation she will probably die of heatstroke, so there's that, and all the gay dudes who drive down from W. Hollywood would be pretty stoked, and it's good to keep them happy, to avoid fashion crimes.
Which brings us back to the semi-realistic rumors. The 'confirmed' bands have been 'confirmed' by people on the Coachella message board e-mailing/myspacing them... so who knows. But most of these make a lot of sense, and aren't big enough to have label shills screening their email yet...

The Bug - Wicked rad English grimy dubstep-ish from the old school. A-
Buraka Som Sistema - These guys are actually confirmed by Goldenvoice (coachella organizers). Kuroda (African break beat) dudes from Portugal. International fat beats. B
Crystal Castles - Come on, you should know them. A man and a lady from Germany who switch between raping my ears with horrible distorted vocals and making sweet love to them with chewy beats that make you want to move like a big rubber band. A-
Drop The Lime - NYC blog house extraordinaire. Domestic fat beats. B
Fleet Foxes - Folk. Some people like soft songs, some don't. If you like tender songs with acoustic guitars and lyrics that make me want to sit alone in a forest looking for gnomes (maybe that's just me) you would not be disappointed by blazing a fattie and lying back for their performance. B-
Flying Lotus - Instrumental beat production from the city of angels. LA's answer to J-Dilla...but alive and making fresh shit. This is what the Neptunes would sound like if they hated selling out and did a lot of acid and maybe moved to Morocco for a bit. If the Dailai Lama was a gangsta rapper Flying Lotus would definitely produce his debut. SO SICK. A+
Girl Talk - If you don't know who Girl Talk is you should probably not go to Coachella. A
No Age - More of the nuevo Los Angeles vanguard of independent music, with a similar ethos but almost inverse implementation as Flying Lotus. Two guys with guitars and a drum set and some effects pedals and an inspiring ability to shape noise and intertwine it with fun punk songs about being dead and other such things. If all the broken guitar amplifiers in the world gained sentience and started a music scene these guys would be like the fucking Ramones, but sadder. Music to lie down in the middle of the street to. A+
Late of the Pier - Really silly Nu-Rave (I promise I didn't make that term up) from ye olde U.K. that brings the ability to get you grooving while still including somewhat useless guitar solos. If the Klaxons were raised by carnies. Listening to their album feels kind of like going to RAVE: THE MUSICAL, but I kind of dig that - I imagine a lot of really extravagant set pieces and 90 kids in stunna shades and neon tank tops and skinny pants all rocking out in sync. B+
The Presets - 'Popular' Australian electro. If you meet an Australian hipster you should tell them you like the Presets before they sold out. Doesn't mean that you can't enjoy breaking it down to big electro synths and 4/4 backbeats occasionally, even if their singer does sound like he should maybe be in a Tears for Fears cover band. B-

All of these bands (if they actually are in the line-up, which I'd guess is like 70-80% likely) are probably going to be stuck playing in the no-man's time of 12:30-3:30, when the sun is at its apex, and most everyone is distracted from the music by the ever-looming threat of heat stroke. This is kind of bullshit, but seems to be some sort of rite of passage for new Coachella bands. Like hazing the rookie. Two years ago we saw Hot Chip at like 2:30 and I honest to god saw someone just up and fucking melt into a big puddle of goo in the middle of the tent. Last year they got a 5:30 slot. By that logic I'm hoping two of my favorite beat droppers - Deadmau5 & Boysnoize - who got early slots last year will be scheduled for a more reasonable hour this time. That being said, all of these acts are pretty quality, and if this is the pre-dusk line-up then the Coachella people got their heads on straight. This is the real shit. Even worth leaving the shade tents before 3:00....

BONUS: How sick is this? Basketball, much more so than football or baseball, presents the capacity for individual style and expression (which is of course the motivation for a website like freedarko [whom i am kind of ripping off]), and a clip like this makes you realize both the sort of crazy shit that NBA athletes could pull off, and how little they try. If I don't see one Wade-LeBron-Dwight double oop during the All-Star game I want my emotional investment back. That shit would be like Cirque du OH SNAP!

p.s. - click the band names

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